When Your Focus Is Back On God

Break ups are a stopping point in a journey that once had a destination for two souls that were united. For some, the urge to stop could have been mutual, recognizing in a healthy way that there is no need to move forward, but for others it can be detrimental, chaotic, and sometimes dangerous. Though it may be the end to something, if you steer focus to something else, it can be the beginning to a new chapter that requires a different set of lenses. For me, the ending of my journey came to an abrupt stopping point and though it was not something I desired, there was a major shift that happened during the time that I began to pray and openly express to God what was on my heart.

I started noticing, as I was praying what was on my heart, I got in my Word more. I noticed that my heart started to shift. My focus at the time was on the individual, the problems that occurred, and the pain that I was wrestling with. As I kept praying, I was still missing this person, but I was starting to feel a little bit better. By the time it hit the last day of the weekend, I began to cry but it was because I started to reminisce about old memories of us. I thought about our walk in the park dates, our actual first date, discussing our goals and more. The aftermath of the breakup was devastating, and I really wanted to talk to him, but I was not in the correct mental space to have a conversation.

When the new week started, I said my prayer again but this time something happened during the day. I felt pressed on my heart from God to apologize to someone that I hurt from months ago. I really was surprised that this came up during the time of my breakup. I realized that when I spoke about forgiveness to God, I needed to be aware of admitting my faults and asking for forgiveness as well. I ended up sending a message when I acknowledged my fault and how I treated that person and asked for forgiveness. That was my Monday! (Totally separate incident but still necessary) Then two days later, I had an epiphany. My heart and mind still focused on The Lord, I felt that I was in a place where I was stuck. I needed to prepare to move and figure out what I was going to do with my life. There was a strong sense of lack of value on myself in my career and more, despite all I had put myself through. I also noticed that I wasn't feeling like I was making a difference in what I was doing. I always thought that if I made more money and had a hire position, I would be more fulfilled, more important, more impressionable and more successful, but this was not the case! On Wednesday, I walked into my job questioning my very existence. I then began watching a series about women embracing who they are within God, their femininity and the nature of being a woman. I sat with myself in silence after the series was over and allowed myself the space to realize what I was passionate about. I realized that my passion was writing to inspire and teach about the Word of God and how great of a Father He is. This was my true identity! Then I realized that this did not match up with anything I had been doing in my life and I wondered why. It was because:

I had been trying to chase the identity of other women around me instead of trying to chase and be fulfilled in the calling and identity I had within God! (LOL WHY DID IT TAKE ME THIS LONG?!)

Let me tell you why this is important. During this day when I realized about the issue of my identity, I also was reminded of the type of woman I had desired to be in my heart. That woman does not resemble the woman that I am right now. That woman does not also receive or display the type of relationship she wanted. It was because the woman I am right now is a replica of the women who I admired and tried to emulate but they did not have the same ideas or desires as me. This caused shifts and minor/major issues that arose within me because I questioned myself, my relationships, my workplace and more. I still had my voice which I did use throughout, but there were times I did not trust myself. This means that I did not value or love the woman that I was becoming under the experiences that God allowed me to have. My focus on God made me aware that I had been focused on the WRONG THING and that I did not have value or identity in outside things. Once my focus shifted onto HIM, I realized there is value in who I am, there is value in my purpose, and there is worthiness in my identity in Christ. (THERE'S THE VALUABLE MOMENT!)

For anyone who actually listens to me when I speak (I talk a lot) I have always desired and valued being a wife and a mother. I also believed that I would be a writer spreading hope, my experience, and Christ to the world. There were certain areas in my life that were starting to develop in my late twenties that were having me become this woman that I so desired. But what I didn't have was a unit around me that valued or sought after the same thing. There is nothing wrong with women wanting certain things, but I wasn't comfortable in what I valued or desired. Because I wasn't comfortable within my own identity, I began to lose myself and take on the image and ideas of other people. Losing focus off of what was important caused me to take extended routes in my life. I went searching and working, trying to prove that I belong within my circle, when the whole time I just needed to be validated and certain in my image with God. It brought me to this moment when I realized that I am tired of running from who I truly desire to be.

I truly desire to be who I am made to be, doesn't make me any less influential to others, but it may not be in the same way. To me, that makes us even more unique as human beings because we can all use our gifts in different settings. But this all came to the surface when I began shifting my heart and head on God and how I needed Him more during this painful situation. When you switch your focus, some things will come up to the surface. These were issues I had been holding onto for a while, issues that I couldn't even explain in my relationship. However, because he saw me, I feel like he knew. Even while focusing on God, I realized the man I was in a relationship had been wanting to give me what I had desired for years: marriage, protection, family, provision, etc. Though we had our ups and downs, the blind nature of who I was trying to be at that present time was fighting what I wanted. It wasn't until the breakup happened and that precious moment that my shift went to The Lord, that I realized that I was not who I was supposed to be in Him. I was who I was trying to be in everyone else. That was tiring. That was never enough. That was dreadful. That was painful. It was FOREVER a losing battle!

My identity in Christ is freeing. My identity within God has purpose and I feel like I am doing something that I love. Writing these blogs brings me joy because I have a chance to connect my faith and experiences together to inform others about how God is growing me, despite what I have been through and the mistakes I have made. It doesn't make me perfect. It makes me a loving/lovable human. That is what I love to encourage and explore. That is where I am in my life.

I don't know about where you are in your life right now or if you are at a crossroad like I was with your value and identity in this world. Just know, you are always valuable to God. You don't have to be like others around you to feel important. You don't have to chase the lifestyle of others to feel important, valuable or even seen. You have been blessed with gifts and talents that no one else has. That is a treasure within itself. Just be mindful that who you are is rare and that you were placed on this Earth for a divine purpose, to solve a problem. Never forget the One that created you and understand that you don't have to chase anyone else's identity. Christ loves you the way you are and the desires in your heart are unique and specific to your calling.

With relief and a new way to look forward to life, I hope this message touched someone's heart, just like mine.

Songs added to my playlist for the week:

"The King Will Come-Yet"

"God is On the Throne" by We The Kingdom

Love,

Chevy!