Stopping The Pattern

Letter writing is one of the most therapeutic ways to heal from traumatic situations that could have been inflicted on you through someone you loved and/or cared about. Unfortunately, starting the letter is one of the hardest processes ever, and I know a little about it being hard as it took me almost four weeks to write a letter to my own father. Four weeks is a really long time to complete a homework assignment.

This assignment was given to me by my current therapist a month ago. But for some reason I would put off writing this letter because I just had the, out of sight out of mind mentality. That all changed one night when a guy that I recently talked to caused disappointment in my heart, and it really drove me to a place of pain. As I'm in therapy, I am trying my best to not operate out of pain and just let it have its moment so then it can pass. But this moment felt too real, so I began to write the letter to my father.

This letter to my dad spoke of many issues I had flowing from my heart. Actions and words that were harmful to my development and the absence of his presence were all stated in this letter. There were many things addressed in this letter and I know for a fact I didn't get everything out that I needed and wanted to say. However, after finishing the writing, reading it out loud, and crying out all my tears, I noticed a pattern that had been created due to this fractured relationship with my father. From allowing people (specifically men)to keep coming in and out of my life, giving little to no effort, to becoming over protective over myself physically and emotionally... I had recognized that there was a damaging pattern that was not going to get me far in relationships. So what was the decision? It needed to stop! Cold turkey! For this pattern was going on for 10 plus years and not reflecting who I truly was as a woman, as a Christian, and my ability to be loving, nurturing and giving. This was eye opening.

As we maneuver through life, we continuously go through these patterns in how we handle people and relationships. And despite what others may say, a lot of things start at your foundation and manifest into your teen and adult life. The only way to produce healthier results in relationships, whether it be friendships or dating, is by recognizing where the problem started, then addressing where you are now feeding the problem (example: my overprotectiveness of myself), address it, and then find a solution to stop the pattern.

At the end of the day, the pattern of pain only destroys you more than it helps you. And as young people, having the raw truth be told to us, through love, is hard to hear and a hard pill to swallow. But it is necessary so we don't pass on these patterns to the generations behind us. And though it may be hard to figure out where to begin to address these patterns...Remember, it all started with a letter, that DOES NOT need to be mailed to anyone.

With Love,

Chevonne!