Reflection of 2022!

PSA: I have to start this blog off by saying.....I am a bit surprised that 2022 is ending. The year basically flew by. You don't notice it when you are in the midst of your day, but when you are at the tail end of things, that's when you become more aware of everything that is happening.

2022 brought three words that came to mind for me: transition, trust and value. These three words are significant to me because all throughout this year, that is exactly what I experienced. And although some friends can say they understood what I went through, they truly did not because no one was able to stand in the storms with me except Jesus Himself. He often heard my cries throughout all of this year, which were many because of the things I experienced. Let's start with the words of this year....

TRANSITION!

Yes, this was a transitional year for me. I took a huge leap of faith and moved from my hometown of Metro Detroit Michigan to Georgia for a job. Michigan, the place where everything was familiar and comfortable. This place was where all my cousins were and the place that I had called home for many years. However, my homeplace did not offer me opportunities to grow. I was not able to thrive in abilities and display my creativity. I was stuck! Any job I applied for limited me in what I could do. So, I often was complacent. Whenever I did offer creative ideas for the business to help elevate it, I was met with resistance and sometimes micro managing. This caused major anxiety and panic attacks. So I packed my bags, took a job offer into a different state and left everyone behind. The motive behind this is my own personal situation but yeah.... I was transitioning everything I knew for a new place. For a new opportunity and for possibly a new hope in life. The transition came with a lot of loss within so many areas in my life. It also opened up a door of things that needed to be addressed personally through therapy and other therapeautic ways. The transitional period of the beginning of the year led to trust.

TRUST!

Trust for me is a two way road. Sometimes I trust the "right" people and sometimes I trust the "wrong" people. I learned throughout this year that I have no boundaries to my life and that I am way too trusting and not trusting enough. I believe that my friends' word and advice are gold and that whatever they say goes. LMAO WELL I LEARNED QUICKLY! When caught in a situation I could not get myself out of, I learned that people will never stand by you even when situations occur. Without going into too much detail, I was abandoned in friendships (folks went off of what they heard instead of addressing me first to receive clarification) and really had to navigate in this new area alone. This new place and new job was something they convinced me to do. All while, I was about to be put out of a hotel and become homeless having no place for me or my cat to go. I had no money and no resources. I was panicking and knew that this move was a mistake. At this very moment, I got on my knees and I cried out to God. With my whole heart I remember apologizing for leaving home and being disobedient and screaming for help. This was not what I anticipated to happen. I kept praying through this time. I opened up my heart to trusting that my Heavenly Father would provide in this midst of all this that unfolded. Boy, did He show up and show out. Thankfully, I had wonderful family members and a friend who stepped up and helped me during this time. I then felt a nudge (possibly from the Holy Spirit) to speak with the young girl at the hotel about places to stay in a near by city. Due to my obedience, she helped out and I ended up locating a place for temporary housing until I fully moved. Let's just say, my faith in God grew because I learned to truly trust in Him with my concerns and fears of the circumstances that arose and I could not handle them myself. I mean everything that came to me was completely out of my hands and I had no resources to provide for myself. So our relationship definitely grew from trust and vulnerability. God showed up every time. Whenever I asked for something, I left it in His hands, and He provided in ways that I do not understand. There was a lot of grace and favor. Some stuff I did not deserve but He gave it anyways. My trust in His abilities are there because He has shown me that timing has to be right. When you are patient and keep praying, it will happen. And it happens when you least expect it. I also learned to stop trusting people and their words that they spoke to influence me on how to move throughout my life. Everyone's journey is different. Everyone has been blessed with different abilities and gifts. I learned to trust the view that I saw of their fruit that they produced (in biblical terms meaning actions and words that are being displayed along with heart posture, etc.) and if it wasn't good, then don't trust their advice or open up to them about your concerns. Humans are limited on what they can do and choose who they will do some thing for, especially if it does not benefit them. Not everyone moves like this but some people do. If God places it on their hearts to move on your behalf, then a person will do just that with no questions asked. Through this process, I also understood my value.

VALUE!

Yes, honey I actually value myself. It took 29 years but I don't care. I finally made it here! It feels good to be here. This year, at my job that I moved for (1st job), I finally learned that what I bring to the table, is what I can deliver and beyond. I am creative, knowledgable, and a team player. I have gained all these skills and more because my mother had me learn how to start working at an early age and I went to school. I know the things that I am capable to do in the work environment and outside of work. Though everyone is replaceable at a job, their value is not. I was not being valued at the previous company I was with and I knew that based off of how I was being talked to, dismissed, treated, and paid. My ideas were not being celebrated or often were pushed to the back burner because I came up with it. I tried to create an environment that was helpful and learning, but also fun and relaxed. But under certain management, I was being micromanaged and traumatized. It caused severe anxiety and work trauma that I brought over to the new company (2nd/current job). What made me recognize my value was understanding who I was. If God could forgive me, give me new perspective and bless me, then I knew I was valuable. I also knew I had a lot to learn but also a lot of knowledge to give. And at some point, I had to make a decision of who and what was more important, me or others. I eventually chose myself. And it was the right move for me. I often questioned my value this year, but I have arrived at the point where I love who I am and what my core values are. I love interacting with people and embracing diverse ideas. I love operating in spaces with people of different backgrounds who have desires to grow and learn outside of themselves but would also like to embrace who they are and are proud of who they are. And I love enjoying a period of rest. At my new company, I actually get to rest and take time to recuperate after all the work of events (this was a blessing of a job that God opened up for me). This became necessary and I truly honor my rest time.

With all of this being said, this year has been a year of growth for me. I am still in a space of healing traumas with broken friendships and family issues. But who isn't? For as people you will never be fully healed because circumstances happen all the time so anything can always offset a traumatic experience for you. However, I am happy to be in a place where I can take care of myself and really honor the vessel I have been blessed with. I truly value real friendships where people pour into me and I pour into them. I truly trust in those who have genuine hearts and their actions match their spirit and heart. I truly trust that God has wisdom and understanding that is above everyone else. I trust that His will is always to keep me close, to grow me more in Him, and to be fruitful in the Spirit, not just for me, but also for those who come in contact with me or are connected to me so I can fulfill my assignment and be a blessing to them. (And trust and believe I have done a lot of sinful things this year so I still was chastened for that but that was because He loves me). Lastly, I honor transitional seasons because what it gives is an opportunity for God to show us who we really are and what we need to focus on. I have dealt with abandonment issues, but I don't feel abandoned as much anymore. For my Father has been right by my side the entire time. It was just time to give Him more reign and acknowledgment in my life.

I know this was a mouthful but I hope you had a chance to reflect on your 2022 year , like I did, and can point out three words that truly match your year. As always, please be safe, send love to everyone you know. I hope you walk into the new year with peace and happiness. And to all those who lost a loved one before the new year like I did, please know that I am praying for you always. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thank you for your support.