Realizations & Understandings

Interesting enough, this year so far has had some ups and downs!

I have been going through another birthday year of isolation for the past 6 months. Life situations will cause you to sit down and really evaluate who you are and what's happening around you. Even when you feel like you are dealing with more than enough, another trial arrives at your doorstep and you feel that you are ready to throw in the towel. But in today's topic, I want to point more towards how isolation steers you to focus in on the relationships that help you thrive and the ones that make you realize the reality of the ship you are on.

Last year, right before I moved to the south, I thought all my friendships were intact. I felt that I was going to receive lasting support even within the new transformation. However, within a month of moving that was not the case. Well, something similar happened this year and I just did not know how to process the change. So, I went into isolation mode. This is never new to me; however, I was older this time and I had a lot on my mind. These two life changing experiences caused an uproot of relationships that were no longer intact anymore. It caused me to sit down and figure out what was going on. It also caused me to evaluate ALL the friendships/relationships with family and colleagues that were in my life. Let's just say, what I learned up until today was wild.

Today, I had a revelation! People, especially women, thrive and connect based upon similar foundations and what and who they consider to be valuable. Though you may see someone as valuable to you, they may not see you the same way. However, I had to learn the hard way that the individual would never tell you it directly but show you through their actions. They will indirectly tell you in their own language. Certain examples would be like if you always invite them out, but they create an excuse. However, you always see them out with someone else. Another example is how they introduce you to other individuals. Your title from them matters. The last example would be, how we accept and respect the individual's boundaries. Pushing people out of their comfort zone to do something heinous out of the pleasure of the individual who wants to cause harm. These acts make you aware that you are not valuable or respected by the person who you are steering a "ship" with. But then there are added layers to who we come in contact with when creating relationships.

In some relationships, the dynamic can be a power play. When one individual is desired to be seen by another, not knowing their own worth, beauty from within and out, it will cause them to search for relationship (whether friendship, family relationship, colleague, etc.) that can cause stress onto them and feel like the weaker vessel. In return, the other party may already detect the gifts that lay inside of you and may feel inferior to you but because they can tell what kind of position you are in due to how you feel about yourself, if they are in an insecure position, they tend to become the dominant one in the relationship. Usually, this dynamic does not end well and causes a lot of friendships/relationships to end in turmoil. When in all reality, some of this stuff could have been avoided. But what do we know when we are desiring to be seen and feel left out to dry when life transitions happen. This is when my isolation came into play.

See, I came into this revelation when I realized how much I was grieving by myself and had no one to talk to. I had the chance to sit back and understand where I stood in relationships that were tied to me with everyone. Having the realization and understanding steered my focus on acknowledging on ways that I needed to grow. I needed to grow in my healing. I needed to grow in my faith and relationship with God. I needed to grow in my discernment. I needed to grow in trusting myself as well as the process I was in. I needed to grow in my vulnerability. I needed to grow in my self worth and confidence in who I was. I also needed to grow in pursuing my talents and using my gifts. Lastly, I needed to grow in value of the people who value me. The last statement made me realize the people who I wanted to spend more time with. The ones who I am dedicated to fervently praying for. The ones who are honest with me and vice versa. And the ones who are committed to forgiving me when I am wrong. This type of growth was necessary in the isolation period.

Being isolated also made me aware that certain seasons with people in my life were over. God knew I kept trying to hold onto folks who were no longer supposed to be attached to me and I with them, because we both were going in separate directions. In order for the growth to continue, we had to be torn apart. And though in the moment, it was devastating, I now realize it was necessary. I was then able to process and understand what was needed during this time.

This time period of turning 30 has brought a lot of growing pains. Some that I didn't realize that I needed. But when seasons change, do we ever know what we need during the time of transition. Having the understanding and realization that dynamics of relationships change based upon: foundations people have, what is a priority to us, and how we are growing as people. Each individual is different from the next., and though during the transition, the action to let go is hard, the flow of moving forward with healing comes after some time. I love the relationships I have built from the past. Each person is unique in their own way, and I know they will thrive in their journeys. I say all this to say that, realization and understanding brings peace and an opportunity to move forward.

With love,

Chevy